i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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