Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
