You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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