How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So vagazzling was a success
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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