Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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