Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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