I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
