I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
