I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
