my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
