it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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