hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
