We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
