Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
