break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
