I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
