I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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