i need an iv and a liver transplant
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
