i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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