I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
