i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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