if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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