quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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