so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
