so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
