You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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