My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
