we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
