WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
