Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
