What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
