I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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