You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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