I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
