Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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