worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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