I think i peed on brittanys purse
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
