singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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