i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
