I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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