And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
