her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.