if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will