Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone