YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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