Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
