3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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