it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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