Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
