her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
