remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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