she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
