Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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