Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
