a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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