I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As shirtless as possible
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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