sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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