After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
