We're like a lot better than the average bears
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
