when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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