I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
