I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
