If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
