I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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