Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
