Betty ford says i'm here all night
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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