She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
