He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
