i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
