With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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