Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
is that a dick in a sweater?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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