that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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