I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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