ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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