mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
