I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
