Soap is not a condiment
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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