just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
